The Sussexes have supposedly decided they want a slap up Christmas with all the royal family at Norfolk monstrosity and festive season HQ, Sandringham.

Just imagine the scene: A cavernous drawing room; the sofas, aristocratically tatty; the Turners, multitudinous; the atmosphere so tense it would make the Treaty of Versailles seem like a doddle. Drink would be flowing freely, the dogs would be on edge and Queen Camilla would be wondering if it was too late to fake an allergic reaction to a scotch egg. And into this scene, the Sussexes would walk in, beaming positive light and forgiveness to a bunch of people with abnormally long memories and who still have the keys to the Tower.

Harry and Meghan’s sudden interest in returning to the UK comes via a blinder of a new report from the Times’ royal editor Roya Nikkhah who has revealed that the Sussexes, nearly four years after cutting the Buckingham Palace Palace chord, want back in, at least briefly.

King Charles, for his part, has failed to readily accept the Sussexes’ about-face.

A friend of the California ratepayers told the Times: “I can’t imagine the Sussexes would decline an invitation to spend time with His Majesty. As of yet, there have not been any invitations for the holidays.”

Nikkhah reports: “Friends of the Sussexes say they want to change the state of play, and would readily accept an invitation to Christmas at Sandringham, the King’s Norfolk home, or a summer stay at Balmoral, Scotland, where members of the royal family come and go in privacy and can easily avoid each other.”